I am writing this letter to you from a sick bed. Last week,
I stumbled on your reaction to the ASUU strike on your facebook wall. After reading the first sentence, I felt
groggy. I muscled up energy to read the second sentence, and guess what, I went
blank. I later woke up to discover that I am in a hospital bed. I had been in
comma for three day as a result of an ailment the doctor referred to as “acute
igodomigodo syndrome.” On coming out of comma, I discovered that other patients
in the ward I am admitted had also fallen ill as a result of thesame ordeal:
the acute igodomigodo syndrome. This ailment, I learnt, is caused by your
overweening and plethoric use of big words, some of which are English and
others you coin from languages like Latin, Greek, German, Igbo, Bini, et al. According
to the doctor, this ailment is one of the leading causes of death in Nigeria
today. This implies that anytime you, Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon, open your
verbose mouth to prattle on national issues, a great number of Nigerians like
me either suffer the Acute Igodomigodo malady, or in extreme cases, some of
them kick the bucket.
This letter is not to dissuade you from your grandiloquence;
far from it. Infact I admire your finesse of the English language, and your
grammatical sagacity. I respect and appreciate the consistency with which you
lend your voice to address critical national issues. It shows the patriotism
that runs in your blood. Personally, everytime a national discourse arise, I
yearn to hear your views on them. However, sir, your hyper-flamboyant use of
the English language is uncalled for. It is suicidal. Some of the words you use
are extremely jaw-breaking. Not only that they are jaw-breaking, but even the
dictionaries and thesauruses available today are helpless. Not even the bests
of world lexicographers can understand you. As a matter of fact, Noble Laureates
in English literature cannot comprehend what you say. What you say makes no
meaning to the average Nigerian. Suffice me to say that your grandiose
expressions add salt to the wounds of many Nigerians. Instead of being a
solution to our dilemma, it turns out to be a conundrum and an enigma that
increase our anguish.
I heard with one ear that you are a lawyer. Thank God you
don’t practice; I wonder the vicissitudes your clients would have gone through
in order to fathom your high-sounding and florid expressions, that is if you would
have any clients that would patronize you. No serious client who loves his or
her life would think of hiring you because the Judge or Magistrate may
misconstrue your lingo and perpetuate injustice. I begin to think of how a
Magistrate or Judge would comprehend what you say in court when representing
your clients. That aside, when you were an Honorable Member of the House of Representative,
nobody understands you when you contribute to debates. Even your fellow
colleagues in the hallowed green chamber were bamboozled by your mystified misuse
of the English language. They saw you as
a comic character instead of a serious-minded legislator. Your represented a
caricature and your contributions to debates caused huge mirth amongst your
fellow honourables as well as amongst many well meaning Nigerians. You were considered
a comedian rather than a law-maker. This is because you addle us with a
language that is a conglomerate of English, Latin and Arabic. No wonder your
people of Oredo federal constituency refused to return you for another term in
the National Assembly. Perhaps, they felt your rants were not helping matters.
Presently, you are the chief of staff in the Edo state
government house. I wonder what Governor Adams Oshiomole would be going through
in your hands. I wonder the mental torture you subject him when you write or
present submissions for his consideration. I also pity the staff of the Edo
state government house and other people you work with; they must be going
through a lot of stress and Igodomigodo syndrome on a daily basis. They must be
asking the same question that many Nigerians ask: how do you coin your
expressions? How do you manufacture some of the words you speak? We need
answers, sir.
This is not to belittle your person, but to tell you in clear
terms that we do not comprehend your expressions. Please sir, I implore you to make
your expressions as simple as possible to enable the hoi polloi decipher what
you mean. Your continued use of jaw-breaking words makes matters worse for us.
What is the essence of communication if the person you are communicating with
does not comprehend what you mean? I hope this will make you turn a new leaf,
sir. Send my warmest regards to the comrade Governor, your boss.
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